Low

This is my depression.

I feel nothing and everything.

Everything I do hurts. I can’t do anything right and nothing makes sense.

I feel I will never stop being in pain. I can’t do the things I want because of the pain.

Whenever I start to become excited or hopeful the pain, whether it be physical or emotional, comes back full force…

“HEY! REMEMBER ME? I am why you can’t fulfill your dreams, or leave the job you hate, or stop using your emotional/physical crutch, or seem to get ANYWHERE.”

Because the pain continues despite my feverish attempts to stop it, it lingers.

Lingers like when you’ve sipped hot coffee too soon and your tongue won’t taste food or drink for days.

Except, instead of days, it’s been months- and I still have not been able to find the hope I always seemed to have.

I began writing this several months ago at a rather low point in my life. Rather than removing it from my mind, because it was a very sad time, I’m acknowledging it here. Because I think sometimes it’s important to explain that this IS depression, everyone experiences a different kind of helplessness when they start to give in to this despair.

It is easy to see how you can get sucked into this constant, awful loop. And I just want it to be known that feeling like this can happen to the happiest of us. You are not alone in this feeling.