Prove them wrong.

I’ve always been the “sweet” one. The one that played with the streamers in the box of decorations, the one with the curly ringlet blonde hair, the one who loved strawberry milk out of a pink bottle when I was young. When did having empathy for other people become a determining factor on someone’s vision of you?

Background: My sister was always the “smart” one. The one that got A’s and studied for everything and made it a point to be the best at everything she did. I think the mentality of both of our childhoods revolved around those words: smart and sweet. We never were able to escape the labels that we earned when we were very young.

I wonder often if my sister’s brain was as screwed as mine, where we are constantly at odds with each other and she is always trying to prove that she’s better than I am. While my sister studied her ass off to get A’s, I did not study and got, at the very least, B’s. And while my sister definitely had her issues, she also had more attributes than she was given credit for. I am not one to compete, so I let her win. But, why the fuck was it okay to ignore my talents because I am also kind and empathetic? Who decided it was okay to pin us against one another?

Recently I watched the Netflix show called “Keep Sweet and Obey”, if you haven’t watched it and like documentaries- you should. Essentially the show is about Warren Jeffs, former leader of the Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saints group who embraced polygamy within their church communities.

Anyway, while I was not oppressed or forced into any sort of maliciousness that the victims of this group had to deal with, I resonated with their pain in a weird way. I believe, to be honest with myself, in hearing their stories- the word itself: sweet, is triggering to me. It reminds me that that was all I was- sweet. Everything else was overshadowed, and fuck I am tired of being overshadowed by the need to be “sweet”.

I will no longer be held prisoner by that word, I am capable of all the things I want because while I am “sweet”, I am also kind, ornery, resourceful, optimistic, well-educated, compassionate, ambitious, pragmatic, and [you guessed it] “smart”.